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Two sets of poems by Cluck Everett

Short poems by Bob Everett                

As I was strolling down the street
not being all alert
I walked into this bar
it didn't half bleeding hurt

The Time
I carry around this little note
Upon it 'Six O'clock' is wrote
"What's the use of that?" you say
It tells the right time twice a day!

God lives in our bathroom
God lives in our bathroom
It's really true - I swear
For when I was young I heard my Dad say
"God? Are you still in there!"

The worrying dog
I had this dog that worried sheep
Got rid of it, of course
It used to go into their field
and shout "Mint sauce, Mint sauce!"

The Barbers
I went down to the barber's shop
so's he could cut my hair
It was full of rabbits in the nude
without a thing to wear

I said "What's going on 'ere then
What gives with all this bunny?"
'E said "We're clothing rabbits now
to earn some extra money."

I said "You do get mixed up
In some very strange affairs!"
'E said "Oh, I don't know so much
We're good at dressing hairs."

The Little Snake
The little snake crawled home, upset
Her mum said "What's amiss?"
"The other snakes won't let me go
into their pits and hiss."
"Well, never mind my little one,
It's not a lot you're missing.
I can recall the time
they didn't have a pit to hiss in!"

Another little snake crawled home
and mother said "What's wrong?"
"I hope we are not poisonous,
I went and bit my tongue!"

Overnight Stop
I was driving this bus through the country
and the evening was wearing on. Right!
So I'm looking around for a place to be found
to get me head down for the night

When all of a sudden I saw it
a posh little country hotel
So I pulled into the square
In front of it there
and got out to check all was well

The girl at reception was gorgeous
so I stood there and gave a small cough
"Have you got low terms for bus driving firms?"
"Indeed, yes" she said. "Bugger off!"

The Far Side
I met this little fellow, a stranger to the town
He didn't look too happy, Upon his face a frown.
"Excuse me sir" he muttered as he gazed down at my feet.
"This spot where we are standing, Is it the far side of the street?"
"No, no" I said while smiling,
and pointed out with care.
"The far side of the street is situated over there"
"That's very strange" he uttered
and wiped away a tear.
"A bloke across the street told me it was sited over here!"

MEMORIES A Poem by Cluck Everett 22.10.98

In the land of the Scot, where they drink a lot, on the East Coast up there yonder
There's an aerodrome that once we called home and it goes by the name of Condor.
There came one day a gang of Apps, wearing diag serge and distorted caps. To be taught to work on planes perhaps.
But the best bit of all was the breakfast baps.
Well that's what I remember

Twas a strict regime till we learned to scheme and how to avoid the duties.
And some would crawl to the wailing wall to eye up the nice WREN cuties.
On runs ashore in Arbroath town we'd eat fish suppers and try and drown our sorrows and woes with lager and brown,
in the Neuk by the name of Tutties

Join the Rover Crew was the thing to do and get away from the station.
So we packed a bag and we sang 'The Flag' on the way to our destination.
On the mountains high we all would go, and when we got there it was ice and snow,
And Gobi's hat away did blow. Much to his consternation.

Those what can't swim was to get fell in, and one of them was missing.
So a pipe was made to get him on parade and the Reg Chief, he was fizzing.
"The backward swimmers bus has gone, and where the hell were you lad?"
"Oh Chief. I know and it grieves me so but I can't even swim forward."

A Commander came who we thought insane, 'cause he gave us Exped Training.
Up with the sun on Assault Course Run. Be it snow or hail or raining.
Spent time in the bothy at Loch Lee. Mountain Rescuing those who ski. We nicked his fags when asked to tea.
Now look who's complaining.

We were given guns to repel the Huns and practised fights and battle.
And the local farms were up in arms 'cause we terrorised the cattle.
A thunder flash was once acquired, in water dropped to a brick when wired. Didn't break the ice but the tank expired.
How's that for bickering prattle.

I remember we saw out at Dickmontlaw, the trees like an aerofoil section.
They're still there though and remind me so, and I think of you all with affection.
There's bootnecks now as the resident mob
The changes there would make you sob
The fare to town's now thirteen bob!
I know this 'cause I got the job
of driving the bleeding bus
(Hardly anyone gets on - they all go by fast black)